We, too, were once like them
When I was about 10, a paying guest came to live in our home. She was a young woman from a neighbouring state, with a job in a five-star hotel in the city. I was smitten. I was fascinated with everything about her, including her light-weight iron that glided over georgette dupattas! Over the years, quite a few young women lived in our home as paying guests, several of them air hostesses. To a pre-teen they were the epitome of grace and maturity. I loved the way they dressed and did their hair and makeup, was enthralled with stories of their travels, and wide-eyed at how independent they were.
Today, when on flights I see airhostesses in India (perhaps of similar age to the ones that lived in our home), all I see are kids. I see young girls fighting it out to build a career and a life for themselves, to earn their own money and their independence. I see the insanely long hours that they must be putting in, the challenging living conditions that they must survive, and the family and societal pressures that they must resist. Basically, I see a reflection of my own struggles and those of other young women I have known through my 20s and 30s.
All around me, in real life and in fiction (especially the bile that passes off for entertainment on television), I see how older people are routinely nasty to younger ones. One of the fundamental premises and justifications for this behaviour is, ‘I went through shit myself, and therefore I shall make you go through shit as well’. I have seen this in school and college teachers and professors, parents and other relatives, senior office colleagues and bosses, nosey neighbours and entirely random people. This is the same thought process that perpetuates emotional and physical abuse that is termed ‘ragging’ in Indian colleges and ‘bullying’ in schools and colleges in other countries.
In fact, sometimes when I have seen parents talk and behave with their children, I have wondered if they have forgotten what they themselves were when they were young. They clearly don’t seem to remember a thing about what they felt and thought. Is it genuine amnesia or just convenience?
The surprising, perhaps alarming, part also is when I was treated like this, I didn’t even think this behaviour was unwarranted; I thought it was par for the course. Such was my conditioning. But now, when I am somewhat older, I look at younger people, especially women, and imagine what their lives must be like. Yes, a lot of things are much easier today than 20 years ago—thanks to smartphones, the internet, social media and apps—but am sure a lot of things are that much more difficult, thanks again to smartphones, the internet, social media and apps. So much so, I sometimes think of film actresses of yesteryears—Mumtaz, Sridevi, Hema Malini, Waheeda Rehman—who started work when they were literally children or little more than children, and how difficult it must have been to survive and thrive in an industry ruthlessly dominated by men (of very questionable character). I don’t think being young and inexperienced, living on our own and on our own terms, and earning our own living, has ever been easy, no matter which generation we belong to.
There was a video that surfaced recently, showing a senior Indian man berating and insulting an airhostess because he didn’t get food of his choice; that girl must have been old enough to be his granddaughter. In all my years of flying, I have never, ever had the heart to be rude or impatient with an airhostess, no matter how difficult the flight might have been. Instead, sometimes I have felt like hugging them, and telling them that things will be alright.